Over the past few years I’ve really been zoning in on the concepts of insecurity and confidence, which I wrote more about in a previous post titled:
Simply, when you are insecure or stressed in any area of your life, your natural tendency is to satisfy that insecurity and create comfort, rather than focusing on more productive things. Confidence is the opposite of insecurity. When you are confident, little things don’t get in your way and you are focused on accomplishment with greater purpose.
Humility is a trait that on the surface is a very positive one. People with humility don’t boast or brag and they aren’t cocky and arrogant. They are quiet with their accomplishments and many times are fine with sharing the spotlight. They are easy to become friends because they are down to earth. Humility is a great relationship building tactic.
The natural me is energetic, loud, and highly sociable. As a young adult I realized how this personality could get me in trouble and give people the wrong impression so I started intentionally (I thought) being humble and exercising humility. I did this for years and it wasn’t until recently I realized my effort to conform and my concern for other people was actually hurting me.
There is a fine line between humility and not giving yourself enough credit.
I would have successes and I’d keep the excitement inside. People would give me compliments and I’d dismiss and brush it off. I would rationalize with myself that the things I was doing, weren’t a big deal. I would look at other people doing similar things and I would put their actions and results at a higher value than my own. Without even knowing it, I was telling myself stories that helped me be a nice guy, but at the same time my self-worth was going down. I was dismissing the natural excitement and pride I was feeling around things I was passionate about because I didn’t want to make others feel bad or I didn’t want to be seen a certain way.
That’s not confidence!
The humility I was so intent on exercising was majorly jacking with my confidence. I kept myself in check because I knew I could always do better and there were others doing greater things. I wasn’t celebrating my accomplishments, nor was I appreciating the kind words, compliments, and acknowledgement of success others were giving me. Though my expectations for myself were very high and above average, I wasn’t allowing myself to be anything but an average guy who could always be and do better. I never gave myself enough credit.
Like many things in life, success it’s about balance and moderation. Humility is a great thing, but not at the expense of your self-worth and confidence. Everybody needs to value themselves and attack the world with confidence, but not at the expense of other people’s feelings.
Be confident! Have humility!
How much confident-humility will you have by 30?